Conversation has such a super power. You can encourage a person or destroy one with a word. As a matter of fact, we feel the great power of conversation everyday in our lives. How happy are we when we get praised and how depressed are we when we are criticized? But the problem is that we forget that other people feel the same way with us, so we speak evil of someone else and hurt them. As the wound is accumulated, we keep building a thick wall against them. There is no exception between parents and children. A lot of parents speak what they are not supposed to do to their children. The children who have that type of parents would not have an upright character. One example of hurting children with words is shown bellow.
Jin’s parents are working together for living, so they do not have enough time to spend with their child. One day, Jin’s mother found out a report card which Jin had hidden and was disappointed in him. At the dinner time, they have a conversation about it. Jin, who is an elementary school student, wants to be loved and get their attention but Jin was so scared of losing their love if he shows the poor grade to his parents. Jin’s mother got angry with his attitude and grade, so scolded him emotionally.
Mom: Have you gotten the final report card, yet?
Jin: Not yet.
Mom: Really? Are you sure about that?
Jin: Sure. I haven’t gotten it.
Mom: (Showing his report card with furious face and shouting) Are you lying to me? What are you going to be when you grow up? What’s the problem?
Jin: You don’t know anything about me. Since when were you so concerned about me??
Mom: You always lie to me and see the score you get! Are you stupid? Why can’t you do anything right? Stop spending all your day playing computer games!
Jin: Then, get me tutors! I’ll do it!
Mom: You know the boy next door! He has never gotten a tutor although he always gets first place! Why can’t you be like him?
Jin: After that, Can I be your good son, only if I get the first place?
Mom: You are useless! I regret having you as a son! It’s my mistake! I don’t need a son who talks back! Get out!
Jin: ….(weeping)
Mom: Why are you crying!
Jin: (running away) I hate you!
This conversation will hurt the child and not helpful at all. The situation will get worse.In contrast, the dialog bellow shows a proper conversation between the parents and the child.
Mom: Jin!! I saw your report card while I was cleaning your room. You got the lower scores than before. Is something bothering you, these days, sweet heart?
Jin:…..
Mom: It’s okay. It is happening all the time. You felt afraid of showing me your grade so didn’t.
Jin: Yes mom, I am so sorry.
Mom: It’s alright. It’s not the end of the world. Getting good grade is not everything in your life. I am grateful for you are healthy and such a good son. I know you can do better next time. If you have some problems come and tell me and do not hide it.
Jin: Yes, I will. Actually mom, I would like to have a tutor because it is getting difficult to follow in school. I know it is quite expensive so I couldn’t tell you.
Mom: You don’t need to worry about that. I am able to support you in any cases. If you promise me to study harder, I will get you one. I’m on your side. You can tell me anything.
Jin: Thank you, mom.
Mom: I trust that you will do your best.
Jin: Yes. You can count on me.
Mom: Come on, my boy. I love you. (Hugging)
Jin: I love you, too.
It is important to communicate between parents and children. Most parents think that there is no problem with talking one-sidedly and commanding to their children. However, Children are human who want to be respected. With one word, they get hurt or get encouraged. Don’t just love your children; make them feel that they are loved. Even though the parents do things because they love their children, they don’t see it as an expression of the parent’s love. If the children don’t see it as love, that is not love. Above of all, the parents should respect their children. The main reason that the parents fail to have a good conversation with their children is because they do not have a faith in their children. Even though the child is lying and cannot meet the parents’ expectation, the parents should give a positive thinking, their support and relief. Saying things like, “Are you stupid? “, “You are useless! I regret having you as a son! It’s my mistake! I don’t need a son who always lie and talk back!” is taking away the children’s meaning of their life. If the children are compared with others, they will have a strong antipathy to their parents. Children always want to get attention from their parents and they want to have conversation with their parents. If they are rejected from their parents having conversation truly, they become negative and passive. Therefore, the parents should listen to their children carefully and understand what they are saying. In this way, they can show their children that they are concerned about them. As a result, the children will become positive and initiative.
Human Relationship 2.
My human relationship theory1.
The Realtionship Between Parents and Children
[Case 1] When I was young, I used to polish my father’s shoes and get pocket money. It was my every-day routine those days. Every morning when I got the money I spent all on having a bite and playing game at a video game room. One day my mother caught me getting money from my father. She told my father that he was going to ruin me and took it away. I got angry and yelled to my mother “This is my money!” I complained about it but my mother forced me to be quiet with rage. She threatened me that she was going to slap me if I kept whining. I was sad and felt mortified but there was nothing could be done. At that time, I wasted money on buying things which fulfilled my desire. So she had a strong discipline on money.
[Case 2] All children have a common state of mind which wants to bring stuff that is not theirs. One day, I played video game with my friend and I thought that the video game was awesome so I took and hide it in my closet. Sooner my father found it and he jumped into the conclusion that I stole it.
My father called me and dad said that
Dad: where did you get it?
Doojin: I found it on the street
Dad: where did you get it from?
Doojin: On the street in front of our house!
Dad: Are you going to keep lying to me?
Doojin: No way! I’m telling the truth!
Dad: Are you kidding me?? Tell me the truth now! Whose is it?
Doo jin: No, I just got it!
After I cried and he was angry and shouted at me “Do you want to be beaten to death? Bring me the whip!!”
When this happened, my father should have explained me why those kinds of behavior is bad and persuaded me to accept my fault. For instance, “This toy is not yours, so you should give it back to your friend” He could have told me like the above in firm and calm voice and taught me how to apologize and concede my fault.
[Case 3] One sunny day, I really wanted to have some chocolate but I didn’t have enough money. Anyway, I just headed to a supermarket and couldn’t resist putting chocolate in my pocket. Simultaneously, the owner caught me stealing it and scolded me saying “why did you steal the chocolate! You should be punished! You little thief! Call your mom here right now!!!! I was just a little kid who picked the chocolate impulsively. But he didn’t need to put down with threats. Finally My mother paid and came back home with a wounded mind. Even though he saw a child stealing something, he should have reasoned with on my mistake as an adult and forgiven me. “You shouldn’t touch other people’s things but you must be eager to eat one. However, it is not right behavior. If you want to have some chocolate you should tell your parents. They will let you have some!!” This expression is appropriate and would be an advisable alternative. When they hear something like that the child feels uncomfortable and guilty. so they feel responsibility for their misbehavior. The best discipline is treating them calm. The child who stole things need time to aware their fault. So don’t accuse them or make a bustle.
[Case 4] Every Lunar New years, I used to bow to relatives and they gave me the cash given as a gift at the New Year. But my mother always asked me to care the money to her and she said she would give me back it in the house. When I asked her of money, she said she would give me back when I really need them. She insisted that I should tell her when I need the money and gave me 1000won. But it let me turn to be allowance. If I want to get some money I should behave well. To get what I want, I should obey them and they didn’t try to understand me or explain why I couldn’t get all of my money. My parents controlled everything using the money. So I didn’t have any choice and I should follow their rules. For that reasons, I couldn’t act by myself and I turned into a child who have a regard for their feelings. They used the pocket money for a reward of chores that I had done. So I should do house chores to get money. At that time, my parents explained me why have to spend money in right way.
[Case 5] Christmas was the best day for me expecting gifts from the Santa Clause. I happened to believe that I could get presents only if I conduct myself well. One day, it sprung to my mind that I should see the Santa Clause rather those just getting gifts, so I woke up till late night to see him. At that time, my parents didn’t like me not going to bed and get angry.
Mom: Doo jin! Go to Bed!
Doo jin: I want to see the Santa Clause!
Mom: Don’t talk me back!
Doo jin: I have things to say to him!
Dad: Bring me the whip. You should be punished.
Doo jin: T_T
If the parents are in the child’s shoes, they could have talked like bellow.
Parents: “Sweetie hart Doojin, Santa Clause will come to your bed when you fall in sleep well. He is a shy fairy so whenever people show up. He can’t give you a present. My sweetie hart you are a good boy aren’t you?
Doojin: “Yes! I am. I am going to bed now!
[Case 6] When I was in elementary school, My cousin and I wondered why grown-ups have happy face after smoking a cigarette, so we gathered those on the street and went up to the roof. We tried to smoke them and it was terrible because it made me painful to breathe. Suddenly, my uncle caught us and he beat my cousin and I thought he was going to die. I was so scared after I saw them and afraid of getting the same punishment. I learned that smoking cigarette is bad thing to do but above of that, I was shocked seeing my uncle stepping on my cousin’s head and he became the scariest person in my life. Even though he was so furious, he should have given the reason why we shouldn’t smoke rather than getting my cousin. If he did so, we could have understood and never done such things. When children cannot have satisfaction on their feelings and their state of mind, they will grow up as an unstable person and lack of concentration. They will always feel emptiness and wanted to be filled with something. In that state, they will never get good results on their life. Only when children have a stable and satisfied life, they can give attention on something and listen to other people. It is crucial that parents attitude on caring their child.
The School of rock!!
The story is that Dewey Finn is a main actor has been kicked out of his band. He impersonates a substitute teacher and turns a class of fifth grade high achieves into high voltage rock and rollers. In this movie, teacher don’t normally try to know their children thinking and They usually inform or command the information to child. we learn that They misunderstand how to communicate with children. but Dewey, he endeavors to understand the children unlike normal teachers. When children are not confident they tend to give up it even though they are talent. the point is that is a praise. In the some parts which talk with Tomika and Dewey. When she said “they’re gonna laugh at me because I’m fat. after Dewey talk to Tomika Hey, you’ve got something, everybody wants. You’ve got talent, girl. You have an incredible voice. I’m not just saying that. You know what? That’s not even the point. The thing is, you’re a rock star now. People are gonna dig you, I swear. The praise and trust make her get a reassurance from him. she get a feeling that she can do it. After watching this movie I learn that It is important for the children to give a praise and good communication. If they are not sure their behavior weather is good or not. we are able to help them respect their feeling and to tell the trust.
Social Issue (Homosexual’s rights)
Have you ever met a homosexual? What do you think about gays, lesbians and transgenders? Sometimes we are able to see a transgender or gay on a TV show. I think Korean people are not ready to accept homosexuals. Maybe some people feel disgusted about them or some people try to understand their rights. In my opinion, a lot of Korean people misunderstand them because they have not experienced talking to them and haven’t tried to understand them.
Three year ago, I went in the Philippines. I was shocked to meet the gays and transgenders. At that time, my teacher was bisexual so, I was interested in gays and these social issues. We talked about gays and bisexuals after I became aware of their thinking, which it was not a mental illness, but he couldn’t explain the reason. However, I think they are lucky that’s why, they are able to express their sexuality in their country. In Korea, I have never seen any gays and bisexual people except on TV. This means it is very much difficult for Koran homosexuals or bisexuals to come out. I think that it is important to get correct information about homosexual. According to the latest polls, there are around one hundred ten thousand homosexual in Seoul Korea. About ten years ago, it was an issue that Hong Seok-choun, who was TV celebrity, came out. It was shocking for most people because we believed that homosexuals didn’t exist in Korea. However, he tried to inform us about homosexual’s rights, but we are still ignoring their rights and discriminating against them. In Korea, Gays, lesbians, and transgenders are afraid of coming out because Korean people are not general and consider about them. The gays or transgenders work at a gay bar or work in company behind their sexuality. If gays or lesbians are coming out in the work place, the company may pressure them to leave the job of the company to their images. Gays and transgenders don’t do discriminate against in Korea. They just hope people to recognize their homosexuality. Other countries such as the Netherlands, Norway, Sweden, Denmark, France, Germany, and Belgium, passed the law about same sex-marriage. Now it is still a hot issue to accept the same sex-marriage in the State of California. According to a researcher from UCLA, the percentages of people are identifying themselves as homosexuals. But the reality is that the percentage of homosexuals coming out didn’t really increase. It means a lot of homosexuals hid from society. A lot of people disagree with same sex-marriage. The reasons are threefold: homosexual behavior is against the Bible rule, homosexuality makes children confused to find their sexuality and most people believe that when you are homosexual you can easily get AIDS. But I have a different idea. At first, it’s their life so we cannot control their rights and they don’t harm people and they are just same people, who have a different sexual desire. In my opinion, we should learn to respect homosexual’s rights.
My Life in Five Years
In the next five years, I would like to run my own business like a travel agency and to be a tour guide in Europe. In my opinion, tour market is huge. Nowadays, a lot of people try to go abroad to get a great experience. I would like to work in Madrid, Spain and get married with a Spanish woman. I will learn Spanish and other languages. It helps me to understand the European culture and I will be able to provide excellent information and great impression to tourists. My life would be exciting and very active. I think, if I run my own company I am confident to handle my business, but first I should work as a tour guide. I would like to enjoy my life with my wife and become a successful business C.E.O.
